Candy Melts = absolute cooking failure

I thought it would be fun to attempt to make cake balls (balls of cake on a stick), but "fun" is the last word I would chose to describe what just happened; words like "disgusting," "nauseating," and "barf inducing," are much better choices.

the devil

So, I baked a cake, a simple, straight from the box, chocolate cake.  I went for a bike ride while it cooled.  When I came back, my grandpa and I began to mash it into balls.  We should have stopped right then, when it would hardly stick to the lollipop sticks.  If only we had known what we were getting ourselves into.... I had bought a pack of "melting candy" the day before, I was excited to use it because it was mentioned in one of my how-to-make-good-cupcakes books.  I should not have been excited.  When I pulled it out of the microwave, it had turned black, and was oozing.  It smelled as if someone had lit a pile of turds, on fire.  The Arizona sun must be getting to me after such an intense Chicago winter because I figured, if I dipped the cake ball things in it, it would all work out.  It began to smell so intensely, and ooze so disgustingly, that my grandpa and I gave up. We tried to clean the bowl, but when the oozing mixture hit water, it started to bubble again, in some scary chemical reaction.  This stuff is dangerous, it actually isn't safe to use.  Stay away from melting candy.

cake balls (aka, turds)

We threw all of it out, but the house still smells like burning poop. We're sitting on the porch right now because the smell inside is so intense.  I don't think I'll be able to eat chocolate for a while.
Oh, by the way, happy Valentine's Day.